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Support Group Meeting Ground Rules PACER support groups offer a safe, confidential environment where persons within the adoption triad (adoptee, adoptive parents, birth parents) can come together to share with, and to learn from each other. Unlike a therapy group or one-on one therapy where there is an "expert" in control, a support group gives its members the possibility of finding their own ways out of their difficulties, thus experiencing the empowerment of their own healing. The following ground rules were created in order to make our meetings safe and supportive for everyone participating. PACER support group meetings begin on time. In order to make the most of our brief time together, our support groups begin promptly on time. If you with to enter a meeting that is already in progress, please do so as quietly as possible as to not disturb the group's concentration or that of the person who is speaking. The facilitator will acknowledge your presence and welcome you between speakers. If you know ahead of time that you will arrive late, why not call your group's facilitator and let him/her know, so that speaking time can be allotted for you at the beginning of the meeting. PACER values your individual process and what you have to share. A "welcome" and brief introductory "go-around" begin each meeting. Please tell us: your name, your place in the triad or interest in adoption, your length of time with PACER, are you involved in a search or reunion, if an adoptive parent, age(s) of your children and whether their adoption(s) are open or closed. Something such as "My name is Joy. I'm a birth mother. I met my son nine months ago and we have a good relationship. I've been a member of PACER for about a year-and-a-half." Every person present is guaranteed equal time to speak. PACER values what you have to say, and believes that everyone present will learn from you and hearing about your individual "process". The meeting time will be divided equally according to the number of persons present. If you would prefer to just listen, we honor that as well. We ask that there be no "questions" or "cross-talk" while members are speaking. PACER support group meetings offer their participants a rare gift, that of the opportunity to be really heard by a roomful of people who seek to understand the adoption experience. Your time is your own to enjoy our undivided attention. We do not offer "advice" or "feedback" unless it is individually requested. If you feel really stuck on an issue and want to hear from others, please ask. Your allotted time is your own to use as you wish. When asking for input, it is a good idea to be specific, i.e. "I'd like to hear from adoptive parents how they felt when….". You may also indicate that you'd like to talk with others following the close of the meeting. We ask that "I" statements are used. No generalizing or bashing of a triad group or specific individuals is allowed. Especially saying things like "all adoptees" or "most birthparents" feel or act a certain way, etc. Confidentially is assured. Each meeting's content is held in strictest confidence. Many PACER members have experienced a lifetime of secrecy in regards to their "adoption triad" status. Our meetings are often the first and/or only "public" setting in which this information is revealed. For this reason, it is very important to keep what is shared in groups in confidence. Only when confidentiality is ASSURED, can our meetings be supportive and truly safe for all. PACER meetings end at their prearranged time. This makes it easier for members to plan their schedules ahead with family members, sitters, etc. If you will need to leave before the meeting's end, please let the facilitator know so that you can be one of the earlier speakers. Your voice is important! We also ask that if leaving early, to do so between speakers. |